photography can be bizzare

When I was a kid, my dad always used to buy disposable cameras for me and my brother when we went on holidays. This purchase usually resulted in A LOT of stupid photos, often of the same thing and often from a blurry distance (one reel was JUST photos of donkeys - seriously, who was I?). Well, it was my birthday last month, and Natasha bought me a disposable camera. The 20-odd photos were quickly snapped in that old-timey wind-and-shoot way that reminded me of simpler times, before selfies and instagram.

I'm no photographer. But I am an aspiring hipster, so I have a Diana F+ film camera (thanks for the gift, bro) that makes photos not only expensive to shoot but nigh-impossible to get right (especially if you have a "oh just take the flippin' photo" attitude like I do). Still, it's fun. After getting Tash's film developed, I decided to enlighten my blog about some weird camera stuff that's out there. Here are four photographic devices that puzzle and delight me.

#1. Squito

So this is weird. These guys over at Serveball have come up with a camera that fulfills those two all-important requirements: taking great selfies, and injuring people. They've stuck no less than 3 cameras inside a ball that takes a panoramic photo of you when you throw it into the air. They literally call it "the throwable camera".

One question: does it come in tennis-ball colours?

My first thought was "Hey! Cool! We can throw it into the air and like, take awesome photos with it!" (that presumably turn out something like this:)

But here are some thought-out downsides:

1. I will be too busy smiling and the camera will hit me in the face. Or it will hit you in the face. This is generally not inclusive of the clumsy or non-sporty.

2. If you did this in an open area (hopefully you would), a dog could mistake this for (of ALL THINGS) a ball, and nom on your chew-toy shaped technology.

3. The site says that this camera is going to be "at the front lines of search-and-rescue, first responder and tactical operations" (i.e., rescue workers can throw the thing down a well and take snaps of little Timmy while he waits for them to actually rescue him, and the photos could be wirelessly transferred to a computer nearby). OK. I guess that sounds helpful. But... doesn't that mean that I can throw this into any unreachable area and basically spy on people? Wouldn't paparazzi just lob these over Jennifer Aniston's wall and stream the footage live to E! News? 

What do you think? What would you even do with it?

#2. The Lego Camera

This is a little bit cooler. The Nanoblock Toy Camera is the lovechild of lego-esque company Nanoblock and camera developers Fuuvi, and boy is it cute! It's tiny enough to fit in your skinny jeans AND it comes colours bright enough to convince anyone that you, sir, are not just any photographer. You're fun!

It's got a USB for charging and direct dumping to your computer, a micro-SD slot, and a 2MP camera (I mean, what did you expect, HD? It's a toy). Plus it takes videos! They even made a cute stop-motion video about it. Enjoy the magic lego (I mean nanoblocks).

#3. The Clam Camera

Yes, that's what it's called. Thankfully, it hasn't been invented yet! Gowoon Jeong's concept is a dual-lense contraption that has a cool feature (taking panoramas) and a narcissist feature (you can fold the camera in half, and BAM! selfie selfie selfie selfie selfie). What is the deal with forward-facing cameras, anyway? Here are some concept diagrams:

It's too bad about the name. I'm not sure the word "clam" invokes the appropriate emotions one needs to indulge in order to fully appreciate the wonderful selfie opportunities this camera will (perhaps) one day offer the world.

#4. The Sling Shot

So I suggest this post has two main themes: selfies, and injuring people. This next camera combines the two: the selfish indulgence of our own evil desires, and irritating (if not injuring) the subjects of our photographic journeys to leibwitz-ness. It's a prank camera meant to trick your friends into flinching and take a hilarious photo of them at the same time. Here's the Sling Shot:

Just read that paragraph up there. I highly recommend it.

I mean, don't the photos of that girl look like she's going "WOAH!! What..? Oh, haha, how funny!". I seriously doubt that's what's gonna go down with this camera. Either your friend thinks the threat of violence (aimed at your face) is just part of their normal Tuesday and laugh it off, or they punch you in the throat. Plus, aren't you just going to get blurry photos of people being shocked and scared? What kind of person wants a hard-drive full of those? Would you look over them late at night going "hehehe, look how afraid Tim looks, it satisfies me so!" Besides, what's funny about flinching? I never understood that at school. Are you mocking me because my body is naturally reacting in order to protect me? Why are my badass evolutionary reflexes amusing? Anyway, I'm kinda glad this is also a concept, and not a real thing. Because if people get used to camera's shaped like slingshots, it's going to make shooting those people in the face with real slingshots a lot easier.

Would you buy any of the above? And are you also thinking about a lego slingshot camera that fires mini spherical camera-bullets at your friends while taking a smug selfie? Me too!